Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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