why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
