WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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