Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
