just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize