Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
