I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
