I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
