i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
