Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
