Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
