just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
