this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
