He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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