Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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