I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize