I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
