I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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