Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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