about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
