There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
