Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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