found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
