i wish my penis had a tongue
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize