did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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