You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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