Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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