My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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