If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
