Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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