So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
