Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
