Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
