he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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