update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
