Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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