A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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