oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
