i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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