K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
