Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
