this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
