I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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