check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize