Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
