I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
