do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
