come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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