She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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