let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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