Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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