clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize