DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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