i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
