I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
