I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm passing your future prison.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
