my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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