Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
