somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
