the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
