Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
