It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think your dad took our porno
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize