I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are two peas in an std pod
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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