I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
