You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
