WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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