somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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