Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
