Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
