Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How's work?
Spinning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
